Auld Lang Syne

I'm three days late for my New Year's post.  Once you fall off the wagon, it's really hard to get back on.  My blogging suffered greatly in the past year, and I intend to claw my way back into the driver's seat.  And just like in AA, there's always a first step.  My first step is my much beloved first post of the new year.  It's one of my yearly favorites because I get to chronicle my growth throughout my tumultuous twenties.  Tumultuous?  That's putting it nicely...

Hinging on developments during the last half of 2009, I spent the majority of January through March 2010 in a fever-pitched love haze.  Looking back, I remember that time was characterized by a happiness and fear as we took the next steps in our relationship, and I tried to figure out if he would handle my heart honorably.

Turns out, he didn't.  After I got back from Europe in April, three days after my birthday, he broke up with me.  The days and months that followed were dark for me.  All I remember about May were my tears.  I can honestly say this was the hardest thing I've personally yet to experience in life. 

But, during those months of utter heartache, my God held me every step of the way.  He gave me the freedom to weep, to ask why, to anger, to forgive, and to heal.  At times, He offered comfort, and at other times, He offered gentle discipline and rebuke. 

I call those months my "pain moment."  In every person's life, there will be one, and sometimes more.  God allows these pain moments because, ultimately, they drive us back to Him.  This experience has taught me to seek Him solely.  I still cling to Psalm 23:1 - "The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want."  Because of my pain moment, I am a different woman heading into 2011.  Praise Him!

One day in June, I stopped crying.  And that's when things started to get sunny.

In June, I went down to Orlando for SBC and got in some much needed beach time.  And I even got to drive to Tampa to meet my dear friends' new baby, Norah.  Also in June, my new small group Bible Study girls began a "summer siesta," as we began to build a foundation for friendship and accountability.

July was typical:  Steph and I, poolside.  In mid-July, Mom and I road-tripped it down to Atlanta, and I got a hefty does of laughter and love.  The last bit of July was rounded out by fun on the lake with my best friend, Amy, and her family...especially her two silly kiddos.

In August, I stood beside my dear friend, Katie, as she pronounced her marriage vows among the thick Mobile humidity.   

I started off September in the Keys with Molly, as we declared our "Adult Spring Break" a slap-in-the-face to the boys that broke our hearts earlier in the year.  It was one of the best and most fun trips of my life, and I look for it to be a regular Labor Day weekend tradition.  Also in September, I enrolled in Bible Study Fellowship, an international organization dedicated to hosting Bible classes on a weekly basis that promotes individual study, small group discussion, and homiletics.  We're studying Isaiah and will be in the book through the end of the course in May.  I've really loved BSF, and it's kind of kicking my butt in a really good way.  I don't know that I've ever been in an environment that so deeply dissects the Word of God, and I'm learning so much!

In October, my roommate Amy began making plans to move to South Africa to do mission work at Living Hope.  Her decision created a domino effect for the Foxes on Knox and was an impetus for me to make a decision of my own.  Alongside our family realtor, I began to search for a home to buy.  Much of the last quarter of the year was spent driving around neighborhoods, attending open houses, making appointments for showings, debating pros/cons, and narrowing down my choices.  At this point, I'm unsure of where I will be living when I move out of Fort Knox on February 28, but my pain moment taught me that God's already on it. 

Thanksgiving was spent at Ben and Brittany's this year, and it was nice to mix up the traditions a bit.  And Christmas was one of the most relaxing and enjoyable I've had to date.  Mom, Dad, Stella, and I spent most of our time fireside watching it snow outside. 

2010 has been a tough year for relationships.  I lost a dear friendship of mine to unwise choices and pride.  But I did regain a friendship that I thought was gone.  I'm convinced that where there is a mutuality in Christ, time will offer humility, forgiveness, and heal old wounds. 

My small group Bible Study grew exponentially this year, as we studied Romans, Proverbs, Jonah, Haggai, Habakkuk, and a Deeper Still study, Anointed, Transformed & Redeemed.

I read a lot of books this year, and a few really were spectacular:

• City of Thieves by David Benioff
• The Forgotten Garden by Kate Morton
• Let the Great World Spin by Colum McCann
• God & Guinness by Stephen Mansfield
• Cutting for Stone by Abram Verghese 

I was having sushi with Stephanie last night, and I confided in her that I'm considering shutting down the Queen MAB Manifesto.  It's been five years, and as much as I love to write, I pretty much failed at it during 2010.  The older I get, the harder it is for me to be transparent and put my thoughts and feelings out there.  And with my commitment to BSF, and a greater personal commitment to God's Word, much more of my free time is already spoken for.  I really, really, really don't want to give up.  I'm going to give it another year and see how it goes.  Here's to 2011!