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Wednesday, September 22, 2010

It's not me. It's you.

About a month ago one Sunday morning, I was sitting in the church balcony, three rows from the front.  It's where I always sit, and alongside me, sat my three friends, Mandy, Amy, and Casey.  The worship service began, and our missions minister stepped onto the platform and took the microphone.  He called one family out from the congregation, and asked them to join him on the stage.  It was a family of five; a father, mother, two boys, and a girl.  Otherwise known as, the classic American family. 

Our missions minister began to share the story of this family.  The live in an affluent area of town, and are supported by the father's well-paying job.  But, something was missing, and the father expressed discontentment of the life he'd built.  Owning the finest of material posessions couldn't satisfy the undercurrent of purposelessness.  One day, the husband and wife sat down together, and felt the call to go on a mission trip to South Africa.  In the meantime, they also felt led to adopt a little Ethiopian girl into their family.  The mission trip turned into a mission, and they now live as full-time missionaries, serving the people of South Africa.

The missions minister proceeded to call another family to the stage.  This family was led by the brother of the wife of the first family.  The second family was so inspired by the first family, that they also felt God's incredible call of the extraordinary.  The family, already with two young children, entered the adoption process in Ethiopia, and adopted eight brothers and sisters:  seven boys, and one girl, all under the age of 14. 

As they shared their stories of hope and change, I wept.  While I am so proud of these two families, I couldn't help but wonder why God hasn't given me a husband that feels the call of greatness.  And, not greatness defined by the world's standards of money and power, but greatness in sacrifice and love.

More than anything on this earth, I want to find my husband and build a family that is in constant pursuit of God's purposes for our lives.  While I do believe I can live God's purposes for me now as a singleton, and ascribe fully to the principles in 1 Corinthians 7, I realize that from the beginning of time, God created man and woman for marriage as an institution that is good.  As much fun as I have in my singleness, and as much as I'm learning, I long dearly for a "suitable helper."

I know the three girls sitting next to me in church that day feel exactly the same way.  In fact, I have tons of girlfriends who are extraordinary, Godly single women longing to be married.  And I'm acquainted with tons more through work, church, and social activities.  Most of these women are single single, meaning they haven't had a kiss, much less a date, in years.  Some of them are dating, but the guys they are dating don't share their values, and eventually they end up heartbroken...either because the guy ditched the relationship, or they marry him and pray everyday that he step into the role God calls him and out of mediocrity.  On very few occasions does a single, Christian girl meet a guy that loves Christ first, and he pursues her fervently, like Christ pursued the church.  On these occasions, we rejoice.

I'll be honest:  I'm rather sick and tired of the culture of wimpy, passive, spineless, directionless, indecisive, and selfish men of the 21st century.  Many of the men that fall into this category are Christians, which makes it even worse.  Seriously guys, what gives?!

Let me be very clear.  I am not a feminist, and I am not male-bashing.  I am in praise of strong men who exercise their masculinity in a healthy way.  My perfect man is dirty, rugged, and everything God created him to be.  He knows what he wants, and he isn't afraid to take the risk and fight for it.  He needs a woman to be his softer-side.  And most of all, he's masculine enough to embrace God's purposes for his life.

I shuffled through the stack of mail today, and my weekly issue of Newsweek arrived.  In my own personal opinion, Newsweek is a bit behind the times.  My friends and I have been asking guys to "man up" for years.

As single Christian women, we don't want perfection.  We know that's impossible, as we ourselves are imperfect.  All it takes is a desire to seek God, and a demonstration of effort.  I believe that if a man is truly seeking God's plan for his life, the fear will fall away and a Man of God will emerge.  And I do believe that many of these changed men would see value in the honest pursuit of a woman, and ultimately, marriage and fatherhood.

Men, we are praying for you.  Fathers, brothers, uncles, grandfathers, boyfriends, ex-boyfriends, husbands, ex-husbands, bosses, leaders:  we are on our knees for you.  We know it's hard, and we know that Satan is attacking the family unit, starting at the top down...with you.  But, you are created for more, and we want to be at your side to support you.  Won't you let us?


Blogger emmysue said...

Well said, my friend...well said.

2:36 AM

Blogger B said...

this is a beautiful blog - don't usually comment on what i read, but i could not help it this time. praying with you...

8:32 AM

Blogger Casey said...

Can I get an AMEN?!?! Seriously you hit the nail on the head. I'm glad you made the clarification that you aren't a feminist or a male basher b/c people could take your point that way. This whole phenomenon blows my mind & I legitimately don't understand it. So many guys at church are on online dating websites when they are surrounded by beautiful, godly women. What gives?

8:45 AM

Blogger Amy Helms said...

Word sister. Word.

11:13 AM

Blogger marissa said...

Couldn't of said it better myself, MA. Thanks for writing exactly how I feel on a regular basis and describing what's it like to be "one of us."

12:24 PM

Blogger marissa said...

Couldn't of said it better myself, MA. Thanks for writing exactly how I feel on a regular basis and describing what's it like to be "one of us."

12:24 PM


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