My Cell-Called Life

After 454 hours, 35 minutes and 29 seconds, the time has arrived to lay my old cell phone to rest. It was a good friend of mine, greeting me each morning with Jill Scott's Golden, and introducing each call with Green Day's She's a Rebel.

My Motorola mobile captured some of life's most important moments through its 1.3 megapixel lens. I'm proud to share these moments with the Queen MAB faithful, complete with the behind-the-scenes dish for your enjoyment and titillation.

It was a humid summer night in 2005, and Nashville was still running its annual concert series, "Dancin' in the District." Amanda had a bad day, and I was feeling like poop, but we drug ourselves down to the Riverfront anyway. It wasn't an option to turn down a free Gavin DeGraw concert. As we're perched on a concrete slab to the right of the stage, we realize that Matt Wertz is opening the show. We're mildly amused, and in an instant, our lethargy turns to joy. A little-known gentleman by the name of Dave Barnes walks on stage, and begins to sing melodious duets with Mr. Wertz. Of course, Amanda and I are freaking out, and we're likely the only ones in all of Riverfront that recognize him.

After the set, Matt and Dave exit the stage. Directly in front of us, we see a couple of cargo vans and, all of a sudden, Amanda and I see Dave loading amps and instruments into the vans. Dave Barnes is standing five feet in front of us, and no one else seems to notice. Amanda and I formulate a plan, and nervously walk up to him. We call his name, and giddily introduce ourselves, trying to play it cool. Amanda says she's a huge fan, and I mention that I've followed his career for a long time, from his Campus Crusade days at MTSU. He graciously talks to us for a minute, and Amanda and I ask for a picture. The rest is history.

Many times on Sunday afternoons in wintertime, Mom and I shop at Green Hills Mall. We'd just entered the halls of marble and fine merchandise, and stepped onto the cascading escalator to head down to the lower level. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a large white sign, and my head jerks immediately to the left. I simply cannot believe my eyes, and I gasp aloud to my Mom, "there it is! there it is! I can't believe it's actually coming!" As I'm digging my fingernails into her arm, we step off the escalator and toward the promised land. I halt in amazement. Mom's telling me to "get a grip." I remember my excitement vividly.

2005 was one of the worst Christmas holidays I'd ever had. I don't blame anyone, and I guess you could chalk it up to growing pains, my sick mamaw, and a change in tradition. For some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to tag along with my Mom and Dad to Asheville, NC for a visit to the Biltmore Estate . Boy, was I wrong. I was very sick with a sinus infection, and on top of it, I had some severe pain in one of my back teeth, which I later learned, needed a root canal to rectify. And it didn't help that the three of us were in really foul moods. We argued the entire time, mostly about stupid stuff. I cried a lot. The Biltmore was a nice distraction, but it was terribly cold and snowy, and Asheville left quite a bit lacking. The remaining three days, we spent our time in and out of dusty antique stores. In the basement of one, I corralled my parents over to a plywood cutout, and captured one of few smiles during that "vacation."

Just like right now, the above photo was taken as my little Bastard Cat Jack sprawled out beside me on the couch. It is one of many photos of my kitten-cat immortalized by my phone, but don't let the sweet, cuddly appearence fool you. No matter how much he contorts himself in a ball of cute, he'll inevitably nip at my hand and wlip his tail when I try to pet him. He's always got his eye on me...

One of the most useful functions of my mobile's camera was documentary photography. Numerous entries on TAR, including the Royal Flush and Redneck Mary Kay, originated from my cell. While the picture quality may not have rivaled my Canon Powershot, it was much more effective for reconnaissance missions, especially when a mullet was in sight.

Emily and late-night movie viewings don't mix, and evidently her narcolepsy was contagious, because Mandy's laid out right beside her. Ten bucks says that we were watching SHAG or Zoolander, and the time was only 9 p.m...

I had been begging Mom and Dad to get a new puppy, and I got a call to come home one evening for a surprise. Stella looks so sweet in Mom's arms, but it's just because the breeder gave her puppy sedatives to make her travel peaceful. Her true personality emerged during day two, and she hasn't looked back since.

It's time to pass the torch to a new phone in order to create new memories. Rest in peace old friend.