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Friday, July 21, 2006

Holiness before Happiness

Wednesday evening, I received some quality advice when I was more than a little down in the dumps about a dating relationship gone awry. In the midst of my cries of "things just aren't fair," Mom says to me, "holiness before happiness."

Ya, it's that obedience thing again. I'm finding out that I have somewhat of an issue with obedience. In certain situations, I don't face temptation, therefore I have no problem living honorably. In many other situations, I find every way in the book to justify my actions or desires in spite of the call to obedience. How convenient.

It's perplexing. If holiness before happiness, and holiness equals true happiness in Christ, then why am I unhappy right now? Obviously, only the Almighty God knows the true desires of my heart and what exactly will send me life to the fullest. Here we go again with being content in my situation, in the land under my feet...

I have chosen to answer the call to obedience, yet I am still miserable. I have chosen the far-distant Mr. Right over the very entertaining/easy-way-out, Mr. Right-Now. I admit, my resolve for obedience, my patience in the Lord's plan, and the optimism for what lies ahead, is not as strong as it used to be. We're gonna let the Lord work on that one...

You ever get the feeling that something's doomed from the beginning? You're smart enough to know that it's not going to work out, that it can't possibly work out, yet you engage anyway, knowing that it's going to lead to nothing but heartbreak for one or both parties?

I want to make someone understand why things have to be the way they have to be. Nothing I've said so far has worked, so I enlisted the help of Mr. Chris Carrabba, front man of Dashboard Confessional, to be the messenger. If you haven't already bought their latest album, do so immediately. His song, Dusk and Summer, for your reading pleasure:

She smiled in a big way
The way a girl like that smiles
When the world is hers. And she held your eyes
Out in the breezeway, down by the shore
In the lazy summer

And she pulled you in
And she bit your lip
And she made you hers
She looked deep into you as you lay together
Quiet in the grasp of dusk and summer

But you’ve already lost
But you’ve already lost
But you’ve already lost
When you only had barely enough to hang on

And she combed your hair
And she kissed your teeth
And she made you better than you’d been before
And she told you bad things that you wished you could change
In the lazy summer

And she told you, laughing down to her core
So she would not cry
And she lay in your lap as she said
“Nobody here can live forever
Quiet in the grasp of dusk and summer.”

But you’ve already lost
But you’ve already lost
But you’ve already lost
When you only had barely enough to hang on

She said “No one is alone the way you are alone.”
And you held her looser than you would’ve if you ever could’ve known
Some things tie your life together
With slender threads of things to treasure
Days like that should last and last and last

But you’ve already lost
But you’ve already lost
But you’ve already lost
When you only have barely enough of her to hang on


Blogger jackie said...

Hey MA, Im sorry you're going through a rough time. It's hard. It can be really really hard. Especially since we only see past and present, not future, so its easy to lose perspective. Hang in there, girl, things always, ALWAYS turn out for the best.

8:56 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Holiness before Happiness... your mom's words are wise but hard to swallow. I'll be praying for you Mary Anna. I had to have a little weepy time with God this week (ok, ok, I cried like a baby); all we can do is try to please Him and ask Him to comfort us when doing the right thing feels completely rotten.


4:42 PM


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