It might be a quarter-life crisis, or just the stirring in my soul...

While Mr. Mayer may take much of the credit for its propagation, it was actually Canadian psychologist Elliot Jaques, that in 1965 coined the phrase "quarter-life crisis," liberally employed today by disenchanted singletons across the globe.

So what is this thing they call "quarter-life crisis" and am I actually experiencing it? A lady I work with maintains that I'm going through "the change," meaning that a woman transforms herself based on hormonal fluctuations and growth-spurts every five years. This lady is no doctor, but she's raised three daughters, leading me to believe that what she says is true, in addition to the fact that I'm a bit out of sorts lately.

According to my good friend, Wikipedia, the characteristics of a "quarter-life crisis" are:

• confusion of identity (check)
• insecurity regarding the near future (check)
• insecurity regarding present accomplishments (check)
• re-evaluation of close interpersonal relationships (check)
• disappointment with one's job (check check)
• nostalgia for college life (check)
• tendency to hold stronger opinions (check)
• boredom with social interactions (check)
• financially-rooted stress (check)
• loneliness (check)

Maybe I'm not crazy. Or maybe it's just a mental thing, and I'm looking for an excuse or a diagnosis of why my life, sixteen days before my 25th birthday, has not turned out like I thought it would.

At what point does my adult-life really begin? Do I have to get married or have children? Do I have to own a house? Do I have to make a certain amount of money at my job or achieve lofty rank on the corporate ladder? And what if none of these things ever happen? Does that mean I failed at adulthood? And the question I'm afraid to ask, will I become a lonely old-bag with no one to love me except my little bastardly cat (who I'm sure won't survive until I'm 80)?

I'm not questioning God's sovereign plan for my life. I have faith that He knows the desires of my heart better than even I do. But what do I do in the meantime?

I feel as thought I am making a valiant attempt to combat my "quarter-life crisis." I've not waited around to become involved in my church and community and have surrounded myself with a network of support, including friends and family. I'm saving funds as to not be a slave to rent for the rest of my life. I've picked up new hobbies to busy my time that would otherwise be spent caring for a family. I've recently made steps to pursue an MBA, researching schools, scholarships and testing requirements. But I can't help but feel like I'm biding my time until what I'm waiting for finally comes along. As if my busy-ness and ambition are defense mechanisms, so when people ask me why I'm not married, I can say, "I'm focused on my career" or "I'm so busy, I don't know when I would meet guys!"

I'd like to say that it helps to see others in the same boat as I am, but sometimes I think it makes life even more confusing. At least if I were the lone ranger, I'd know I was the diseased one and I could look to others for the solution.

*sigh*

I wonder if I thought that by the time I got done typing this blog post, that I would have the answers to these questions...