Workplace Bullies

It's been a long time coming. This is an overdue post, one I am finally compelled to write for several reasons:

1) It's gorgeous outside today. An 84-degrees-sunny-with-a-westernly-breeze kind of gorgeous.
2) Ben Harper is on my iPod singing, don't let 'em take the fight outta you!
3) I just finished off a delicious lunch at the new Hutton Hotel's 1808 Grille. Delicious.
4) Fridays are synonymous with office shenanigans.

Anyway, I love pranks. Not mean pranks, but the kind that are annoying to other people and hilarious to me. Thankfully, my co-worker Nathan shares my love for them as well. He's been known to saunter into my office and exclaim, "let's do something mean to somebody today!" These are unfortunate circumstances for some of my co-workers. I won't name any names, but Nathan and I have our favorites.

Today's victim (okay, everyday's victim) was Matt. Randy Travis paid Matt a little visit while he was lunching:

Please notice my...I mean...Randy's, autographing handiwork.

It's not the first time that Matt has been the subject of our relentless antics. In June of 2007, I'd been employed at my company for about three weeks when Matt left work to travel on business. While he was gone, I turned everything in his office upside down---his papers, everything on his walls, his phone, calendar, computer monitor, desk chair, all of it. Of course, I thought this was hi-larious. Matt? Not so much. I know he secretly likes it though. That's why I keep doing it.

I used to have another co-worker that liked to walk around barefoot. Pew. So, one day, Nathan and I hid her shoes. We still laugh about that one.

My life is a long and detailed history of practical jokes. I grew up in a family that expressed love by picking on each other. In fourth grade, I had a fabulous teacher named Ms. Wright. Ms. Wright was terrified of spiders. Terrified. My parents encouraged me to put a large toy spider in her chair before class one day. So, I did, and got the whole class in on the gig. Like clockwork, Ms. Wright pulled out her chair, leapt in the air and hollered in fear. I can still remember the chorus of laughter that rang out from my fourth grade classroom.

She got me back though. Later in the year, on the day that I was about to leave for Disney World, she told me that my dad lost his job and that we couldn't go to Disney World anymore. I cried. And, oh, she felt so bad about that. Ms. Wright nicknamed me "the thorn in her side."

When I was in college, I worked at Hastings Entertainment. We had this stupid faux-wood plaque on the wall outside the break room for the employee of the month. Glued to the front was a clear acrylic holder for a polaroid picture. One time, this girl won employee of the month, and I drew a Sharpie-mustache on her face. I got in trouble for this. If I remember correctly, my manager used the word "defacing" while she yelled at me. She told me that she had never seen something so mean. I was genuinely sorry, thinking I'd hurt the poor girl's feelings, but the girl thought it was hilarious. I'm glad someone appreciated the effort I put forth.

In the aftermath of Randy Travis today, Courtney said, "people either love you two or they hate you two."

I said, "if they hate us, it's 'cause they wanna be us." Right, Nathan?