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Monday, November 3, 2008

The Show Must Go On

It's been almost two weeks since I blogged, mainly because I haven't been able to put into words the emotions I'm experiencing right now. I know I won't do it justice, but I feel like I've got to at least try.

For the past couple of months, I have been dealing with a pretty major bout of depression. I say "major bout," but it's probably a "minor bout" comparatively. I'm not really one that does sadness well. I find that it generally doesn't suit me. But this outfit has been a little more difficult to shake.

I can't/don't want to/will not go into how, or what, or why.... Things are just really hard right now. And, my relationship with God has never been more alive. I have seen more movement in my prayer life, my thirst for the Word, and awareness of the Holy Spirit in the past two months than the past two years. So while I feel the strength to take that next step, I am clinging to Him in the dark.

The show, as always, must go on, and the past month has been busy. I was privileged to witness one of my dear sorority sisters get hitched. I spent a day at the Frist Center and admired an amazing exhibit on the history of photography. The same day, I saw Rodin's finest, but realized that only Paris does it justice. I enjoyed a gourmet hot dog at a hot dog stand in East Nashville, and dog-watched with Siebe and Aubree. I spent a Sunday afternoon with an old friend and her new baby, and watched our friendship begin to mend. I was able to express my warm feelings for someone on their birthday, but didn't cross a boundary line I'd set for myself. I continued to spend three hours each Wednesday night in art class, and tune out everything but the colors and the sound of the brush on my paper. I weathered insensitive, but oblivious, behavior from some of my married/parenting friends, and am using it for fodder for the book I'm writing instead of fostering bitterness. I traveled to the wilderness with six women I admire greatly, and was so humbled to realize God has created an Acts 2:42-47 Bible Study. A friend shared a revelation from God, and I feel privileged to watch the "cosmic secret" unfold. I got my second sinus infection of the season, and actually took days off work to recover. I was blessed by my brother and sister-in-law with an early Christmas present. I was able to express love to a friend that needs love. I went home for a long weekend and relished the attention from Mom, Dad, and Stella.

And right now, I'm patiently, faithfully waiting for Act Two.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

MAB - I love your honesty! I also love times I get to spend with you. I honestly have to say some of my greatest memories include you. From trips to Paris, to eating hot dogs. Now that is a great friend. Love you girl!
-Siebe

9:16 AM

 
Anonymous natalie said...

Love you MAB - more than you'll ever know.

12:23 PM

 

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