Saturday Night at the Wal-Mart

Last night, I met Amanda, Emily, Angela, Lana, Sarah, Rhonda at Cozy Mel's for dinner. Post-dinner plans included a movie, but since I'm so low on fundage right now, I parted ways with the gals. I headed home to pick up The Kite Runner, the book we're reading in Book & Co right now, and got back in the car to spend some quiet time at It's a Grind.

I walk into the coffee shop, order my Numi Dry Desert Lime Teasan, and find a comfy armchair near the back corner. I pull out my book, and a few minutes later, the barista brings me my tea. I get up to add some Splenda, and I notice that two older gentlemen are at the front of the store, setting up an amp and some microphones. I'm slightly peeved that my quiet night is going to be interrupted, but I settle in with my book and start reading. About two minutes later, I hear this booming, gravely voice introduce the duo, and before I know it, an electric (yes--electric) version of "Rocky Top" is blaring throughout the small coffee shop.

For a moment, I sat there a bit dumfounded. I looked up and the other patrons had looks on their faces similar to mine---disbelief, resentment, and even amusement. The high-school aged baristas are stifling laughter from behind the counter. I bury my head in my book, and try my best to focus on the words on the page. After ten minutes of staring at the first page of chapter one, I begin to become a bit agitated. The barista walks by my chair, and I ask him how long this open mic night is going to last. As I'm informed, with apologies to boot, that the gentlemen are scheduled for the remainder of the evening, I start to begrudgingly pack up my belongings. What now???

As I pick up my purse, my phone rings. It's Emily. I tell her that I'll call her back when I hit the car, primarily because I can't hear her on the other end. Within a couple of minutes, I'm back on the phone with Em, and she tells me that the gals missed the movie, and they have something else in mind. They're headed back to Lana's to create a Wal-Mart scavenger hunt, and she asks if I'd like to join. I'm SO in.

I'm at Lana's within minutes, and the group has already divided down the middle. I head back to the bedroom, to meet my teammates, Emily, Amanda and Lana. Our goal is to come up with 15 items that can be feasibly found in any Wal-Mart, yet delightfully obscure and time intensive.

Our completed list for the other team is as follows:

1) 1 lb. of self-ground regular coffee
2) duck call
3) XL lace thong in purple
4) wheel barrow
5) Mexican white queso
6) birthday card with flowers and a Bible verse
7) do-it-yourself stained glass kit w/bird
8) 1/2 lb roasted deli turkey, thinly sliced
9) 13" Sony TV with VHS deck
10) Spongebob Squarepants PJ's
11) 1 gallon of chalkboard paint
12) twin-sized, zippered, vinyl mattress cover
13) cake decorating tips
14) pink bike with a basket
15) Jesus fish w/ Greek letters (for the car)

The other team (Angela, Rhonda, Sarah) are ready, and we pile in the cars for Wal-Mart. It's 8:50 p.m. at this point, and after a meticulous cart selection, we agree to meet back up front with our booty at 9:20 p.m. The lists are exchanged in dramatic fashion, and our groups race off.

Our list of items to find is as follows:

1) Goya Juice
2) wafflemaker
3) pureed carrots (baby food)
4) Mary Kate & Ashley Olson hair scrunchies
5) mailbox
6) Springmaid blue full sheet set
7) men's size 11 dress shoes
8) ground cumin
9) A-line dress pattern
10) pink gerber daisy
11) HUGEST yellow round bouncy ball
12) lime green nail polish
13) nude DD bra
14) Zelda game for PlayStation
15) interchangeable screwdriver

We race off, and once we score the wafflemaker, we hit our stride. Along the way, we watch as Lana attempts to shimmy up a 12-foot-pvc-pipe-structured bouncy ball cage, in search of the yellow ball, but we talk her down when she decids to climb inside the cart for stability. We witness Lana acquire the Zelda game, after much debate and bargaining with the employee that held the key to the glass case. Surprisingly, we find ourselves with several different shades of lime green nail polish from which to choose. With almost 15 minutes to spare, we proudly make our way back up front, and do a little spying on the other team along the way. The extra time afforded us a pit stop, complete with beverages and some light reading, like the National Enquirer.

A few minutes later, we met the other team on an abandoned aisle in kitchenwares, and showcase our bounty. After some debate about whether or not the sheets are blue enough, and remarks about the absence of lace on the purple thong, we tally up the scores, with my team bringing home the bragging rights. It doesn't take much for us, eh?