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Monday, March 9, 2009

Training Wheels

For the past couple of years, I believe God has revealed to me time and time again that I am on the path to marriage. As a result, I've been keenly aware of the relationships between couples associated with my own life. I won't lie...I've been taking notes...of both the good stuff, and the bad stuff. Your marriage experiences are proving to be incredibly valuable to me, and it's realizations like this that make singleness in my late twenties worth so much!

Anyway, I recently read an article in Christianity Today about a woman who got so fed up with her husband's antics that she marched out one day while he was at work. When she got to her parent's house, her mom sat her down and had her make a list of all of the heinous things her husband did to tick her off. And then, her mother asked her to note how she reacts to her husbands actions out beside each bullet. You can read the complete article here.

Now, I'm not married yet, but this is already a good lesson for me. In the past couple of weeks, I've encountered a few situations where people that are close to me hurt me. And immediately, my reaction is anger, confrontation, bitterness, unkindness, distrust, pride, and so much more ugliness. My wise roommate Amy and I had a long talk last night about our attitude toward others that hurt us. How do we retrain our attitudes to exhibit grace and mercy? How can we put ourselves out there to pursue these people with love, when we're confident that love might not be reciprocated? We haven't come up with the answer to this yet, but we're working on it.

Another one of my wise roommates, Emily, made a comment recently that I find apropos in learning to love others: "I can't hold them responsible for something that Christ hasn't yet revealed to them."

Last week, I stumbled upon a blog called Refine Us. The co-authors of this blog are a husband and wife team who write a series called the "8 Things That Destroyed Our Marriage." The first reason is this: We rarely prayed together, and the way we prayed for each other was selfish.

So, as I apply this to my current single life in preparation for marriage someday, I realize that my prayers for others are selfish. When someone wrongs me, I don't default to prayer about how I will handle the fallout. Instead, I pray that God will convict them, that he will punish them, and that he will change their erroneous ways. I want justice! Clearly, my motives are a bit off. This has been a hard lesson for me to learn...ummm...still learning.

The point? I am in a unique position in life to learn these lessons before marriage. How thankful am I for the opportunity for independent growth in my twenties! What a blessing!


Anonymous Anonymous said...


We tend to hurt the ones we love the most. We will tiptoe around strangers and be polite, but we will say the nastiest thing to our siblings, spouse, friends. I hope I've never hurt your feelings like this. I can't wait to see you in a few days. :)


8:09 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sweet friend,
I can attest to the wisdom of you wanting to learn things on this side of the altar. I can't tell you how grateful i am to have been married in my late 20's. There is so much more i knew and was prepared for by doing what you are currently doing. Even so, marriage brings about its own challenges and the work that it takes is serious but doing it with your life partner is worth it all. I love you and commend you for being a good steward of your singleness-i promise it WILL pay off!!

10:30 AM


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