Burqa Beachside

Not a single item of clothing is packed, yet I am leaving for the beach in approximately three hours. And here I sit at work, swamped with grand opening marketing plans, radio campaigns, and a lot of stuff that I'd rather not be doing right now.

The plan is to leave work by two, race home, and start throwing stuff in a bag. It's the beach---can't be too hard, right? Just a swimsuit and a towel? Well...no. I got deep fried in the sun on Sunday afternoon and so my beach vacation won't be without SPF 4000 and a parka. And a huge sombrero and tent and those sunglasses they give you after you have cataract surgery.

You think I'm exaggerating? You should see the tops of my boobs right now. I am hot pink. And I hurt. I hurt badly. As I seizured in bed at 11 p.m. on Sunday night, I considered going downstairs and making Emily and Amy take me to the hospital. Looking back, I think I was in shock. Seriously though, I'm not kidding. Not kidding. Amidst my whimpers, I kept telling myself, "Mary Anna, get a grip. It will go in overnight. It will stop hurting in the morning." Well, it didn't stop hurting. I'm still hurting.

Needless to say, I'm having a hard time getting excited about the beach. Don't tell Emily and Katie. I keep thinking that I can have just as much fun under the umbrella as I can wallering in the sand as the tide comes in, but we know that's just not true. I am, however, fully stocked with reading material. I have have about three months worth of Newsweek that have been stacked beside my bed for, well, three months. I have The Shack and Velvet Elvis, both Book & Co. book club selections. I have Twilight, a 544-page novel that I'm embarrassed to admit aloud to you because it's about vampire love. See? You're kind of flipping out right now. Hey, take it up with my roommates Amy and Autumn. They've practically forced it upon me. I also have the latest Company Store and Pottery Barn catalogs, as well as an issue of Southern Living and Nashville Lifestyles. I'm afraid that I don't have enough.

And lastly, I feel rather guilty for not yet posting about that wonderful place that is called Paris. The first part of the recap is done, but I haven't had time to organize and load the pictures. It's coming soon, dolls. In the meantime, I'll be in my burqa at the beach.